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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24500593">Mercy, Love, &amp; Other Useless Things</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ludusrae/pseuds/Ludusrae'>Ludusrae</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort, EVERYONE NEEDS A HUG IN THIS, First Kiss, Fluff, Heavy Swearing, High School, How Do I Tag, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, I haven't planned this out, I will add more tags as this continues, I'm doing my best, Love Confessions, M/M, Metaphors, Most of the time, References to Depression, References to anxiety, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Indulgent, Soulmate AU, Soulmates, Swearing, Sweet and soft, Tags May Change, Texting, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, Warnings May Change, Why Did I Write This?, comedy?, elizabeth is done with their shit, for now, idk - Freeform, kaylie is very breif, lots of them - Freeform, noah is just vibin, they are both idiots, things may change, this is a work in progress, this is my third draft</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:48:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,227</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24500593</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ludusrae/pseuds/Ludusrae</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"I met my soulmate in seventh grade.<br/>I would never be as cliche to say that it changed me, I was never into the whole “soulmate” thing to begin with, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t entranced.<br/>You see, when you grow up in a world void of colours, you begin to see the beauty in other things. The little things, like the intricacy of a design or the feeling a scene gives off. Soulmates may have been common knowledge, but they weren’t ordinary. Some people never meet their soulmates, and those who do are considered incredibly lucky.<br/>The day I met my soulmate, it felt like a curse."<br/>////<br/>It's really just a weird soulmate AU with angst and happy endings. This isn't that great, but I'm trying.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Original Character(s)/Original Character(s), Original Male Character/Original Male Character, alexander/kaylie, oliver mason/alexander holmes, oliver/alex</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Mercy, Love, &amp; Other Useless Things</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Okay, this is my first chapter, please be nice, I've been writing this for a long time and this is my third draft. Please tell me what you think about it in the comments.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm not gonna add chapter summaries to these, I don't think people will read them, plus I feel like I'd spoil something, but yeah. I've had to edit and re-edit this twice since it's been up and it's been like... ten minutes so that's already not a great sign but yeah... I hope it's not terrible.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>I met my soulmate in seventh grade. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I would never be as cliche to say that it changed me, I was never into the whole “soulmate” thing to begin with, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t entranced. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You see, when you grow up in a world void of colours, you begin to see the beauty in other things. The little things, like the intricacy of a design or the feeling a scene gives off. Soulmates may have been common knowledge, but they weren’t ordinary. Some people never meet their soulmates, and those who do are considered incredibly lucky. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The day I met my soulmate, it felt like a curse. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I was in the middle school courtyard, looking down at my shoes as I walked through the small crowds. It was too early for anyone to go inside, so everyone gathered around, yelling and talking so loudly I could hear them over the music pouring through my headphones. It was kind of impressive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I’d heard stories of people meeting their soulmates, the split second when your entire world changes and everything is suddenly a vivid swirl of bright colour. But… Nothing could’ve prepared me for it. There was nothing as gorgeous as the way everything was so saturated. A blink and suddenly my world went from zero to ten in an instant and my eyes burned. I felt myself choke and my vision was blurry. Everything had been so bright, so beautiful, and in the centre of it was him. My soulmate, obviously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked… Like a dork. He wasn’t tall. Gangly maybe? Like he hadn’t really grown into his long limbs yet. Pale skin and darker hair (if it were still black and white, I’d have guessed it would’ve looked like a darker grey), and his glasses just enhanced the entire “dorky” feel he had. The shadows that played on his dark skin were magnificent, somehow making him glow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> He’d given me the gift of colour and before that point, I’d always thought I’d never be drawn to my soulmate just because of that, but I was wrong. So, so wrong, because how could I not be drawn to the boy that gave me that gift? It was earth-shattering. He was the person I wanted to know, to talk to. He was the one I was supposed to spend my life with… Until he wasn’t. Because he continued to walk and smile and talk like nothing had changed, as if he hadn’t just altered my entire reality with just his fucking existence. He was unphased, unbothered, while I was breathless. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was calm and collected because he didn’t see the swirls I couldn’t take my eyes off of. If he did, he would’ve reacted, there was no way he wouldn’t. But he didn’t. And suddenly, the colours didn’t feel as bright anymore. How beautiful could they really be when you’re meant to have someone to admire them with, and you’re staring at them alone…? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But I held out some hope, just a silver at best, but it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe he just hasn’t seen me yet?</span>
  </em>
  <span> It was unlikely but possible. I just needed something to look forward to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For years, I’d told myself I wouldn’t be swayed by the idea of soulmates. Soulmates had always just been something I was indifferent to, I’d never quite understood how someone could just fall in love with another person at first sight. It sounded ridiculous. But when I saw him, I understood. I wasn’t in love with him, far from it, but I understood the instinctual pull to him. It… I wanted to be with him, just be around him. I kind of hated it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I used one of the school’s computers before class started to look up the names of colours. Names and objects that surrounded the colours. By the time the bell rang, I’d decided my favourite colour was red. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wasn’t even really paying attention when my teacher started talking, animated as always. I only snapped back when I heard my name being said and when I looked up, it was him, standing at the front of the room, looking all innocent, because of course it was. And it was almost comical when I realised Mr Wright was pointing at the seat next to me, I almost didn’t have the restraint to hold back the bitter snort that threatened it’s way through my nose. He took his seat with the biggest grin I’d ever seen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> I never had a chance of getting away because not even ten minutes into the lesson, there was a tap on my shoulder and when I turned I was met with a smile and big gleeful eyes that made my heart want to just melt. And no, I wasn’t in love with him, I didn’t even like him, I just had eyes okay? He was just very good looking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I’m Alex,” he said as if he hadn’t just been introduced in front of the entire class. And so what if I hadn’t been listening, </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> didn’t know that. “You’re Oliver, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it wasn’t like we hit it off right away, though, maybe Alex had thought so because we talked throughout the class and by the end, I knew more than I thought I would; his birthday (June 1st), his favourite animal (whales apparently), and just how many siblings he had (four, three sisters and a brother). I’d also been invited to sit with “them” at lunch. I didn’t know who “them” was until the second the lunch bell rang and suddenly another boy was bouncing on his heels at Alex’s side, Noah Brookes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t know him all that well, he was just a jumpy kid that didn’t talk that much. I know he used to hang out with some of the girls in the grade because he was too “wimpy” for the boys, but I don’t think it lasted long. So he was just kind of that quiet kid in the class. I knew he used to get bullied a little by the boys and only moved to Charles County two years beforehand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So it was a little surprising to see Alex and him glued at the hip the second the lunch bell rang. I didn’t know the kid could be so lively. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noah used to live near me,” Alex explained, “we used to send letters and stuff ‘cause my moms super strict about phones!” Noah nodded along enthusiastically. “I practically had to beg my parents to move here when they mentioned moving!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I thought we weren’t gonna see each other again,” Noah huffed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d never let that happen, my love,” Alex cooed, holding a hand over his mouth as he dramatically gasped. I couldn’t stop looking at him, watching the way he acted and smiled and laughed. He just seemed so different from me. So purely happy.  “I love you too much!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aww, babe!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I just watched, there wasn’t much else I could do even if I wanted to join. I’d never really been good at small talk or opening up and talking to people, so I just stayed back and enjoyed the show. Besides, it felt like something I probably couldn’t understand anyway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C’mon, let’s go to lunch,” Alex gestured to the door, ushering us all through it and into the hallway. “Someone lead the way, I don’t know where I’m going.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The lunchroom was loud, almost too loud. People were screaming at the top of their lungs and the grating laughter of some of the people there made me want to cringe. That was the entire reason I usually spent my lunches in the library. Alex and Noah bought their lunches from the cafeteria, I just took a seat and waited. I never ate their food, it sucked. When they got to the table they were laughing their asses off and pushing each other around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your soulmate will probably be a witch,” Noah was practically wheezing as Alex dramatically gasped. </span>
</p><p><span>“Ex</span><em><span>cuse</span></em> <em><span>you</span></em><span>,” he exclaimed, “even </span><em><span>if</span></em><span> she is a witch, she will be the </span><em><span>prettiest</span></em><span> witch and the </span><em><span>best</span></em><span>!” </span></p><p>
  <span>Now… I had planned to move on from the whole “this guy is my soulmate” thing, but… it was that sentence that had caught my attention. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pfft, yeah, alright,” Noah scoffed and bumped Alex’s shoulder with his own. “But seriously though, I wonder when I’ll meet </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> soulmate…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Same,” Alex agreed and I don’t know why but… something in my chest ached. Alex draped himself over Noah. “I bet she’ll be gorgeous!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wonder what my soulmate looks like…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wanted to scream. And as much as I’d wanted to just </span>
  <em>
    <span>move on</span>
  </em>
  <span> from the entire bullshit known as </span>
  <em>
    <span>soulmates</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I just </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It was like my head was completely wrapped around that little detail and it </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucking sucked</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I wanted to grab Alexander’s shoulders and scream at him, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re looking at him, damn it! I’m right here…</span>
  </em>
  <span> But everything was tingling, my body was heavy and there was static crawling up my wrists and forming underneath my toes. It was so </span>
  <em>
    <span>hot</span>
  </em>
  <span> and there were just too many people! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about you, Oliver?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I blinked and the two were staring at me, like they expected something from me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... What?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re soulmate, what do you think she looks like?” Noah was leaning forward on his arms, truly interested in my answer and Alex was just </span>
  <em>
    <span>grinning</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Again</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And that was the final straw. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stood up from the table, I was itching my left wrist, and I think I said something along the lines of, “sorry, not feeling well,” and I was heading toward the exit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wanted to fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>wail </span>
  </em>
  <span>as the pit formed in my stomach. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m right here…</span>
  </em>
  <span> my head whispered. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m right here, damn it…</span>
  </em>
  <span> And my entire body was tingling, positively vibrating and everything was on fire. I don’t think I was breathing as I walked out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I couldn’t remember how I got to the back of the school, where the old desks and chairs were that the school threw out. No one went back there, so it seemed like the best hiding spot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I counted, </span>
  <em>
    <span>one, two, three, four</span>
  </em>
  <span>- I counted the seconds. It was four hundred and thirty-two seconds before I could breathe properly again; three hundred and two before I could see the world again, the colours looking all distorted and absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong</span>
  </em>
  <span>; and it was four thousand, six hundred, and forty-two before my sister showed up to the school after I’d texted her. I could barely remember even taking out my phone. Luckily it was still lunch so I grabbed my bag without being noticed, and I sat in Jessica’s car quietly. My face was still wet, still sticky and aching while my throat stung and irked. And it was just as Jessica got into the car, worried eyes glazing over me, that I finally thought about the crushing realisation. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m not his soulmate</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t unheard of. Soulmates never had to be a two-way pair… sometimes it was an unrequited bond. It was an ugly truth that held nothing but a mountain of pain and bitterness. It was then that I decided I hated fate. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The ride home was quiet, but not the comfortable kind, that kind of silence was deadly. I could almost feel the waves of worry Jess was giving off, the endless glances in my direction were distracting and something I just didn’t want to deal with. Thankfully, she didn’t say anything. It did make me want to disappear though. So, the moment we pulled into the driveway, I was out of the car and up the stairs before Jess could even fully turn the engine off. I locked my door behind me and crash-landed in my bed with a hard thud. I didn’t sleep though, I didn’t cry, I just… Stared. At the ceiling, the floor, the duvet. The ceiling was still the same shade it had been before the shift. The consistency was appreciated. The walls were bright (I thought they might’ve been blue) and the comforter was a stripy mess; blue, yellow(?), brown, and some shade of grey. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I counted to five hundred before any more tears fell. I think I’d cried myself to sleep because when I opened my eyes again it was dark and the house was quiet, save for Jess’ tv playing in the other room. I was still in my jeans and his sixth-grade camp sweatshirt, my face sore and crusted over from the dried tears. I stayed there for a long time, I didn’t even bother counting then. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes I felt like the universe was collapsing around me, like I was trapped in the middle of agonising chaos. The emptiness of nothing filled my lungs, but it never choked me, rather preserved me. Forced me to watch as it all crumbled in my hands. I’d get lost. I felt alone, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>lord</span>
  </em>
  <span>- that terrified me. But how was I supposed to ask for help when I was suffocating on my air, skin cold and bones shaking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was this painful thought in the back of my head as I stared at my bedroom ceiling. One I'd learn to regret ever thinking in the first place. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I wish I’d never seen him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it would’ve hurt less… </span>
</p>
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